The Bright Side is the Right Side

When it comes to attitude, people are mostly reactive. That is to say that their attitude is gauged by their surroundings. We clearly are capable of looking at the positives in our life if we’re provoked to do so. Funerals, birthdays, a well-publicized tragedy, and any special occasion leads to an appreciation for the positives in our lives: friends, family, employment, food, shelter, etc. It doesn’t have to be that way. That’s not a feeling that should be experienced only a few times a year; it can happen everyday. In a world that is already dominated by a media that focuses on the negative, sensationalizes it and makes it even more negative, there's no reason that we have to live a life that does the same. I do believe it's important to be aware of the negatives of life, of a situation, to ensure that they don’t sneak up on you. Awareness is never bad; however, being aware and being focused are very different. Focus on the positive, to focus on the alternative only breeds worry, fear, melancholy, or contempt. You don't want those things; neither do those around you.

We’re all familiar with the cliché about misery loving company, and while trite, I couldn’t agree more. I like to say negativity breeds negativity. A negative comment, negative demeanor, negative outlook will usually result in another negative comment, another negative demeanor, and another negative outlook. It makes sense too. If someone’s sad, that person doesn’t want to be sad alone. If someone’s angry, that person doesn’t want to be angry alone. It’s probably not even a conscious decision to do so, but pulling someone into his or her negativity is almost an instinct. Negativity is very powerful, if we let it be. What people seem to ignore is that positivity breeds positivity too! A positive comment, positive demeanor, positive outlook will often result in another positive comment, another positive demeanor, and another positive outlook. It’s the reason smiles are contagious. When you smile at a baby it will usually smile back because even though the baby isn’t completely sure what’s going on, it feels the positivity … the goodness.

It’s easy for us to pretend that the childhood adage about sticks and stones is always true, but deep down we know it isn’t. Sometimes words do hurt. Clearly some get hurt by words too often or too easily, but that isn’t the norm. If the right word(s) is spoken at the right time from the right person, it can have a huge effect. We don’t like to admit that though because we grew up with the idea that words shouldn’t hurt us. To a large degree, I’d agree; we are far too sensitive as a society. However, once again, we seem to forget or ignore that the opposite is just as true! If something is said to someone at the right time from a positive person, it can also have a huge effect. Words are more powerful than we often give them credit for being. That being the case, why not use more positive ones than negative ones? So words can hurt us sometimes, but they can help us just as profoundly.

If we're not careful, we can be sucked into the negativity very easily because it's part of the daily routine of so many we encounter. Mondays are an excuse people use so often. “How are you today?” “Eh … it's Monday.” People say the word Monday like it's so terrible because it's the first day of the work week or the school week. They see it as just a sign that the end of the work or school week is so far away. Mondays can be enjoyed just as much as any other day, after all, it's us taking the first step towards Friday … we're on our way! People often tend to complain about how terrible their job is. Firstly, is it really that bad or are you exaggerating? I'm betting 99% of the time it's an exaggeration, given that I've never met someone who cleans portal-potties or who worked in a sweatshop as a child. Secondly, having a job compared to unemployment will always win. I think we'd all agree that life is so much easier when we're in a good mood, so let's try and make that our mood as often as possible.

So since we've established that positivity breeds more positivity, I say, pass a smile. I often send text messages with silly and random phrases just because I know the person reading them will smile. Sometimes I post something on someone's Facebook wall for the same reason. I wish people a happy day (regardless of which day of the week, which means I don't discriminate against Mondays). I try to give a compliment everyday. As a general rule, I try not to give compliment in the obvious situations. In other words, don't only compliment someone on their appearance when they “get dressed up”. Don't compliment someone on their performance at work, or school, or in sport only when they get an award or some other recognition.

Life will have adversity, but when knocked down, we get back up and we must move forward.  We will get angry, but it's important that we don't hold onto the anger too long.  Holding grudges gains nothing, and only leaves you in a bad mood longer than normal and usually longer than the person against whom you hold it.

Smiles are contagious and we have a lot more to smile about than we often realize, so pass a smile to remind those around you and yourself of that.

Focus on the positive, to focus on the alternative only breeds worry, fear, melancholy, or contempt. You don't want those things; neither do those around you.

A Father

Some have a man who left before he could be a father,

Some have one who stayed but didn't want the bother.

Some have a father who are distant while a few feet away,

Some have a father who have a darkness while in the light of day.

Many have a busy man who can't devote the time he wished he could,

Many have a closed man who can't show the emotions he knows he should.

Many have a father who is always ready to offer a round of applause,

Many have a father who is there no matter what the cause.

Few have a father who they'd pick if they could do it all over again,

Even fewer have a father that they don't just call father, they call him friend.

-- Christopher Williams

I am a fortunate member of the few.  Happy Father's Day, dad.

Welcome Back, Tiger!

Finally, it’s time to talk about a golfer -- playing golf. Take that in for a moment and think about how simple yet complicated that is. The best golfer on the planet, and perhaps the greatest golfer ever to tee off, but sadly the planet has been consumed with his off-the-course bogeys. I’m sure there will be jokes about his final-round score and its inherent sexual innuendo. Instead, I’d like to focus on Tiger’s return to the game and his performance at Augusta.

This was not his best performance in a tournament, in a major, or even this major. His layoff was most evident in his inability to get into a consistent rhythm. He hit some very inaccurate tee shots, and a few bad second shots, and then followed them with outstanding shots that saved the hole score from getting out of hand. Anyone watching, though, knew that his putting was the difference between the fourth-place finish and the green jacket.

K.J. Choi, with whom he tied, played perhaps one of the best rounds of his career. He played as consistent as is possible until a couple of bogeys the last few holes. Comparatively, his partner for every round, Tiger, played very inconsistently and ended up with the same score. I think that is merely evidence of his greatness. He can play a round, or a tournament, far from his best and still be in contention.

He had his lowest first round at the Masters, a tournament he’s won four times, he’s ever posted. He tied the record for most eagles during a Masters with four (he also had two other eagle attempts hit the lip of the hole).

I know there will be much made of his demeanor this weekend. People will make a big deal about his few “outbursts” after some bad shots. He didn’t curse, at least that I heard, and he didn’t slam down any clubs. He did let one fall to ground during his follow-through. I know the media will harp on the fact that during his press conference that he intended to be more respectful of the game on the course by controlling his outbursts, both positive and negative. He was caught on microphone on Saturday saying, "Tiger Woods, you suck Goddamnit!"  While it isn't a great thing to say, there isn't a competitor out there who hasn't said the same.  His biggest celebration was a big smile and raising his two arms as an eagle drops in on his second shot on the 7th hole on Sunday. He hasn't made the transition completely yet, but there is no switch to flip, and a change was evident.  There were no f-bombs and no fist pumps. It’s a big adjustment he’s trying to make, and one I find unnecessary, but it’s difficult to approach a game without passion and still keep the ultra competitive fires burning.

In the end, although it will be difficult for him to be, I am proud of Tiger’s eleven-under performance in his return to the game. He will walk away unsatisfied, as I would, because he didn’t perform as well as he knows he can. He will work feverishly on his putting and his follow-through on his approach shots (he had several on Sunday during which he followed-through with one arm). He’s proven he can correct mistakes, within a hole, a round, a tournament, and certainly within a season. He came back after a five-month layoff and finished a major in fourth place with an eleven under. I realize his expectation is to win an event when he enters it, but if this is a sign of things to come, I expect a successful 2010 season.

It was a comeback from a long, hard, fall from grace. A mental, emotional, and psychological trial-by-media took over the sports world. At the end of the day, imagine, a great golfer stepping on the course and it resulting in a good score posted. All this time we were worrying about a golfer as a person, maybe now we can get back to worrying about a golfer as a golfer.

My Plea as a Charger

The feelings are blue, clothes are black, cheeks are damp, and hearts are heavy. A week ago, three people died in a school shooting at the college I attended. Unfortunately, school shootings are becoming somewhat of a commonplace in recent years, which results in the shock factor being a bit weaker when we hear that kind of news than it once was. When the headline first reached me, I imagine my first thought was like that of many people: How many students were killed this time and I can’t believe this happened at my school! It turns out this one was different from any school shooting that I can ever remember hearing about because each of the victims were teachers and the shooter was a teacher. As I bowed my head, in a moment of silence to honor the fallen, it occurred to me there are two tragedies that lie before us. The first is the long list of victims that are left in the aftermath: the three that died, the three that were shot and survived, the families of both the fallen and the wounded, the family, especially the children, of the shooter, and the current and former students of the University of Alabama - Huntsville. The second is that it takes something terrible, unprovoked, reckless, and fatal for a certain group of people, too often overlooked, to get the appreciation they deserve. Teachers are most underrated and underappreciated and while we take this as a cue to mourn for the recently fallen, it is also a cue to ensure we show our gratitude to teachers going forward.

Teachers are a selfless group with a mission very few dare accept. They have to be teachers, role models, authority figures, and caretakers. They have to tightrope the line between being stern and approachable. They have to reach student after student, and allow themselves to be reached. They come to work everyday in the hopes that today they get to see that look on a student’s face -- you know that look -- the look that a person has when their eyes have a sudden sparkle as they “get it”.

Teachers dedicate their lives and their careers to putting that sparkle in our eyes.

We’ve all seen it and we’ve all had it. We’ve all taught something to someone, had the luxury of seeing that facial expression, and felt the satisfaction that comes along with it when it happens. We’ve all opened our eyes wide as the cartoon light bulb illuminated above our head and we finally understood something that previously eluded us.

Let’s not allow the six bullets that found six bodies on that day to reach more teachers than they did.

If you have children, make them understand the value teachers have in all of our lives and encourage them to extend a thank you or good job to theirs. During the next PTA meeting perhaps you should too. Any friends you may have that are teachers pass along your congratulations. Remember that one doesn’t need a certificate, or a Master’s, or a PhD to be a teacher. The next time someone shows you how to do something you didn’t know about at work, be sure to say thank you. The next time someone asks you to explain how to do something at work, or at home, or at the bank take comfort in knowing that you helped make someone’s day better. Often you may just be doing so in passing, or helping with something you find unimportant, but that doesn’t mean it had no impact.

We all have teachers from our past, whether it be a third grade teacher, a tenth grade teacher, a college professor, or that guy who taught you how to change a tire, that we will always remember. We all have teachers that we deem our favorite teacher, and our least favorite, and the nicest one, and the weirdest one. Do we remember any other professions that distinctly and for that long?

Teachers are a big part of our lives, yet when it comes to thank you notes they seem to get the least of them.

It is my plea to all of you that as you mourn for the fallen, wish speedy recoveries for the wounded, pray for the families, and console one another, take a moment to thank a teacher. I wish I had left more apples on the desks of mine, but it’s not too late to show appreciation to all those who teach, from trigonometry to tying shoes.

Teachers don’t teach to get thank yous, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get them.

Again, let’s not allow the six bullets that found six bodies on February 12th to reach more teachers than they did.

Kill The Beast

I fear the reach of the beast has grown too vast with no end to its growth to come. Though invisible like the wind, the beast is just as real with an equal potential for disaster. He holds the community of Menifee, California captive, an abduction that is an indictment for his holding American society for ransom. The school district, in response to the complaint of one parent, removed all the Merriam-Webster dictionaries from its schools and will review whether it will be banned because of an entry: oral sex. The dictionary could be banned from school -- from school! The beast is far too strong and has taken too many hostages. The beast brings tears to eyes that should be dry and weakness to the strong. The beast is -- oversensitivity.

He’s the reason we are an it-can’t-be-my-fault nation who sues everyone and anyone for every and anything. He’s the reason the generation of spankings was followed by the generation of timeouts. He’s the reason warning labels warn us against things common sense already warns us against.

I’ve always disliked him, but he was tolerable when his reach was that of an infant.

I never once dreamed that he’d reach into a classroom and pull dictionaries away from students.

“Oral stimulation of the genitals.” We’re taking the dictionary away from children for that? We’re taking the dictionary away from children because it explains in five words, none of which are illustrative or specific, what oral sex is. With the drop-out rates, standardized test scores, pregnancy pacts, and school shootings, this is what we’re worrying about being in our schools -- short and vague dictionary entries. The next time a student raises a hand to ask what something is or what it means, what will the answer be? “Look it up” just got thrown out with the pencil shavings. Perhaps there is a classroom computer with internet access, but will all the dictionary sites be blocked or somehow tampered with so that only certain words will generate a definition? In an age when four-year-olds own cell phones, internet access on everything except bath towels, and Facebook having more members than the United States has people, information surrounds us and anything someone really wants to know will be known. I’d rather have my child ask me about it if he heard or saw the term “oral sex” somewhere and is curious about what it is, but I doubt I’d have a more vague and still accurate definition than the one the dictionary provides.

If the concern is that a child might come across this term haphazardly while looking another word up, that concern is just silly. By that reasoning, murder, rape, and incest should be removed from the book. Abortion, death penalty, racism, and atheism should be removed. Kick, slap, punch, and fight should be removed. Let’s change the name of the book too since it begins with the same sound as a term often used in place of penis. We should probably make sure we go from page sixty-eight straight to page seventy.

I don’t think that’s the concern at all. I think the concern is that the parents might actually have to talk to their kid. “Daddy, what is oral sex?” Crap! I thought Playstation and XBOX were watching the kids! Where are those damned Totino’s pizza rolls? Someone or something else has to be to blame, so the search for the scapegoat begins.

Why are we surprised when we read blogs or letters written by people who shoot up schools and find out they were picked on a lot and couldn’t take it? We, as a society, put them in that bubble that they finally burst from the inside with shotgun shells. We want to blame it on video games and movies and “gangsta rap”. We’re right, it is all those things. It is all those things because so many parents let video games and movies and “gangsta rap” do the parenting. We expect the teachers to do the educating and the parenting and the we send them off to dance class and soccer practice and band camp in the hopes that the coaches and instructors will parent for a while.

We have become a society of bubble-wrappers and the bubble-wrapped. We bubble-wrap the children and we allow ourselves to be bubble-wrapped by one another. So many people are offended by the slightest thing because some protest groups says they should be or because political correctness is becoming this nation’s official language. If someone says a phrase or a word that even might be considered offensive by someone somewhere some time, his job is called for and an empty apology written and spouted to the public to strum the tune that is the music to the media’s ears.

Menifee, California might as well be in Bubble-wrap County. They pulled dictionaries off the shelves because of the complaint of one -- one -- parental complaint and are reviewing it for possible permanent banning from schools.

I love the English language. It’s a mutt of a language, but the beauty it can convey when words are arranged in a way that it sings in your head when you read it, never ceases to amaze me. I wouldn’t know it nearly as well as I do today if I hadn’t heard the phrase “look it up” a million times growing up. It is the reason why even now, if I’m the slightest bit curious about a how, or a why, a what, a when, or a who, I will not be satisfied until I look it up and learn the answer.

I don’t have any children, but if and when I do, I hope he or she attends a school with dictionaries and in a society that doesn’t cry over spilled milk then sue the milk company for not making the carton idiot-proof. If not though, I’ll manage. They’ll have their own dictionaries and we’ll teach them that milk cartons don’t need to be idiot-proof, we just don’t need to be idiots.

Stop the bubble-wrapping -- kill the beast.

http://www.pe.com/localnews/menifee/stories/PE_News_Local_W_sdictionary22.414bdf0.html